Such an Insensitive A.sshole

Yep… and once again, I’ve started a blog post and have gotten side tracked… just know that this was originally written last Friday, July 5th…

So, we just finished partying for America’s birthday and we are approaching our first beach trip with Baby C… But before I get to that… I mentioned TTC #2 in my last blog… Or, at least I think I did… Any who, the fact of the matter is, my wife C will be carrying this go round. She recently graduated with her masters degree and is in the midst of a job search so whether or not she gets a new job will determine exactly WHEN we will start trying again. So, C had an appointment with the RE this past Wednesday. Unfortunately, the RE that helped us with Baby C is moving out of state so we had an appointment with her replacement. The fact that we had to take Baby C with us to an infertility office is why I felt like such an a.sshole. I remember seeing women with babies and baby bumps when we were trying and I would be sad and resentful so it’s only right that I would feel awful about taking our beautiful baby girl with us to our appointment. Thank God our appointment was early in the morning and there were hardly any patients there.

The doctor was great! We discussed our fears and asked all of our questions. She’s very attentive, laid back and isn’t quick to push medicated cycles. C got a pap and an ultrasound. The RE said that she has a textbook uterus and that everything looked great despite C’s concerns about being AMA. The RE even saw a 16mm follicle in the left ovary and a bunch of little follicles in the right. We left the office with the RE’s card and directions to email her when we are ready to start inseminations so that we can coordinate things….

And now, I’m guessing that you are picking up on my new style of blogging… The “I’ll start this blog on my phone, get side tracked with the baby or some other household chore and come back to it days or weeks later” style… Hey, just be proud of the fact that I am indeed blogging again… For now.

So, all went well with the RE, we had family over for the 4th and totally wore Baby C out and we headed to Ocean City Saturday. ’twas an awesome week/weekend in our household. C was offered the job but she had to turn it down due to the salary and the fact that her pay us contingent upon government funding… This means, we are going to start TTC#2 sooner rather than later… Unless another job offer comes thru.

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One Year Later

What a difference a year makes! 1 year ago today, C and I received a pleasant surprise around 6 am. We surely have stories that will have you laughing but after trying for 6 months, we woke up on 7/7/12 to a wonderful surprise… two blue lines! We got pregnant on the 7th month of trying, and found out in the 7th month of the year on the 7th day… talk about completion! After an emotional journey, one year later, we wake up to this little burrito!


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I’m still alive… Motherhood hasn’t killed me off

And to show you how horrible of a blogger I am, the following three paragraphs have been sitting patiently in blog land waiting to be finished… I’m guessing I woke up in the middle of the night for a feed 2 weeks ago and began writing after Baby C went back to sleep… So much has happened since then but I’ll let you read this portion and then update you on the rest.

{Post written about 2 weeks ago} Well, it’s been ages since I’ve updated and let you folks know about my wonderful motherhood journey thus far… As of today, Baby C is officially 12 weeks old! She rolled over this morning in honor of the festivities. She’s such a feisty little thing and she brings so much joy to C and I.

Today is also the day that I was supposed to head back to work… But… I’ve had my leave extended once again. I don’t ever want to go back! I want to be a SAHM. Shoot, I’ll even go the WAHM route if it means more time with my precious girl. I mean, wouldn’t you want to hang out with the kid who’s smiles melt your heart daily?!

But… It hasn’t all been roses and calla Lillie’s. There was a bit of postpartum in my journey. A little depression and a lot of anxiety! I mean, you are sent home with this whole life for real baby that can’t talk and tell you what’s wrong. Totally. Scary. Shit. Right. {End}

And I’ll pick up here assuming I can remember my train of thought…

How will you know which cry is which? Will I be a good mother? How does she know I’m her mommy? Despite working in a daycare and helping raise countless children, its like, you totally forget everything that you’ve learned about caring for kids once you initially have one of your own. But, I’m happy to report that things are smooth sailing now! Baby C and I have developed a schedule now… Or rather, she has put ME on a schedule!

She’s eating about every 3-3.5 during the day and about every 4-5 hours at night. Which is a much better stretch than that God awful every 2 hour bid that we had to endure in the beginning. So, bath time is 7:30 and regardless of how sleepy she is once she’s out of the bath, she typically doesn’t go down for the night until 10 or 11… If she does fall asleep after bath time, she typically wakes up in about an hour. Although, last night she went down around 9:30ish and didn’t stir until around 1ish. MaMa C handed her to me and I fed her. She went back down immediately and woke again around 4:45-5 for another bottle. She are and went back to sleep. I just finished her morning feed and she’s down again. She typically doesn’t wake for the day until around 9:30-10. Which by no means is a problem for me. Sometimes, I’ll lay back down with her… Other times, I’ll stay up and enjoy the peace. I can only gather that her schedule and sleep patterns will become more defined as she gets older.

And no, I’m not back to work yet. Yes, I’ve had my leave extended once again! MaMa C and I have both come to terms with the fact that neither of us wants me to go back to work. We did take a road trip this pass weekend and left Baby C with her Gamma overnight, which was our first time leaving her. I cried the entire drive to drop her off but we all did well. Despite the fact that Gamma didn’t get much rest because C refused to sleep. She didn’t cry but she did talk Gamma to death. Lol. So, even though we’ve jumped the hurdle of someone else keeping her, we both feel like no one will take care of her needs during the day like I will. This has led to me currently getting out house ready for me to apply to run a family daycare in our home. I’m over the hills ecstatic. I’ve wanted to do this for years and have always let it fall by the wayside. Well, not this time! Staying home with Baby C is my sheer motivation! That and all of the flack that my job has given me while I’ve been out.

Other things that have been going on with us: MaMa C’s hunt for a new job and the TTC journey of #2 on the horizon but I feel like this post is long enough so I’ll spare you and write about that in another post.

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Crying… over spilled milk

I pumped for 15 minutes, got 20 ml from one boob and spilled half of it!!!

This is where I now cry…

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The Birth of a Piglet

I love how things come full circle. It has a way of letting you see completion. In December of 2010 C and I drove to The Birchmere in Arlington, VA to see Mint Condition, C’s favorite band, in concert. Since then, we’ve gone to every Mint Condition concert in our area over the last three years. So, imagine C’s heartbreak when the RE gave us a due date of March 21st and the Mint Condition concert dates were March 19th & 20th. C didn’t buy tickets because we didn’t want to chance it. The tickets sold out. The morning of the 19th C asked if I wanted to take a chance, drive to VA and see if someone would be scalping tickets. I figured what did we have to lose at the least we could get dinner if we didn’t get in. Everyone who knows us knows that all we mostly play for baby C is Mint Condition so they all said the concert would put me into labor. Needless to say, we took the hour and forty five minute drive, stood in line for about an hour and GOT tickets! The show was awesome and baby C was dancing in my belly the entire time.

The next day was our weekly appointment with the OB and I was praying for some progress since the previous week bought no news at all… No dilation… No effacement… No nothing. So, this time we go in and I place my feet in the stirrups, the OB said I was 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced! We were all impressed with the progress that I had made over the course of a week. According to her records and by using my last menstrual period, my due date was the upcoming Monday. Since I had been so miserable for the last few weeks, she had scheduled for us to come in at 5:30 am Tuesday, March 26th to be induced. Her last words before we left her office was to not go into labor over the weekend because it wasn’t her weekend on call and that she planned on getting some sleep. LOL. C and I walked out of the office feeling elated! As much as we wanted Baby C to chose her own birthday, having a date set for induction gave us a light at the end of a long 40 week tunnel.

We arrived home and settled in for the evening. For those of you following my blog know my struggle with heartburn and I had taken my last Prilosec that morning. C mentioned running to the liquor store for beer and I was going to tag along and buy a 7 day supply of Prilosec. I jokingly looked at my belly and told Baby C that she could come now since I really didn’t want to buy any more Prilosec. C changed her mind about the liquor store and I decided to just get my Prilosec in the morning. We watched a bit of TV, lounged around the house and I decided to grab my sage stick and smudge Baby C’s room in preparation for her arrival. We settled in to watch the season finale of Unsung around 10 pm. Regardless of how I positioned myself on the sofa, I could not get comfortable. My back began hurting around 10:30-10:45ish. I told C about my discomfort and pain and decided to go lay in the bedroom for a bit. While laying in bed, I felt a radiating pain across the bottom of my stomach. Totally not like cramps but I knew what they were. I opened one of my many pregnancy apps and began to time my contractions. They were roughly 2-3 minutes apart. By this time, C noticed that I was gone for quite a bit of time and she came into the bedroom to find out what was going on. She saw me timing contractions and asked how far apart they were. They were between 2-3 minutes apart. I got up and figured I would try to pee. I waddled to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and heard and felt a little pop. All of a sudden, I felt a bunch of liquid begin to trickle down into the toilet. C was in the living room folding blankets by now and I screamed out, “Babe!!! I think my water broke!” She ran to the bathroom immediately and asked if I was serious. I asked her if she heard the trickling liquid hitting the toilet water and I told her that that was not me peeing. I wiped and saw a clear mucus with a pink tinge. Realizing that this was it, C called the on call doctor and they told us to head to labor and delivery. Funny enough, my water broke at 11:22 pm and C’s birthday is 11/22!!!

We arrived at the hospital a little after midnight and was triaged. The triage nurse checked me and my water had definitely broken. I was also 100% effaced. We sat in triage until my labor room was ready and then they wheeled me down the hall. I initially went into this pregnancy saying that I didn’t want any drugs and that I wanted to do it natural. That crap changed as soon as the pain hit! The contractions weren’t that bad but it was the back pain that was doing me in. Although baby girl was head down, her head was facing my right side which caused tons of back pain. They hit me with drugs and C and I turned off the lights and settled in for a nap. We knew it was going to be a long night. We did notify family of where we were and what was going on but we told them to stay home and get some rest until I progressed a bit more.

My mother arrived at the hospital around 4:30 am and all I could do was laugh to myself knowing she wouldn’t follow directions. C went to escort her from the lobby to the labor room and the nurse checked me again. 4 cm! I could now get the epidural! The anesthesiologist was called and the epidural was put it… I continued to labor and suck on ice chips. My in laws arrived and eventually my best friend showed up. Every now and again the anesthesiologist had to come back in to top off my epidural because it wasn’t working correctly. Dr. Allen arrived early the next morning full of smiles! There was no longer a need for my scheduled induction! I continued to labor while they had me switching positions to try to get Baby C in a better position. I dilated slowly. I think I was 8 cm around the time the 5 o’clock news came on. But… My cervix was now swollen. The nurses grabbed my OB and she told me what was going on. She suggested that I try to push down while she pushed up on my cervix to see if she good get rid of the swelling. We pushed twice and the swelling didn’t go away. At this point, I had been in active labor for about 13 hours. I was extremely exhausted, still feeling pain and simply wanting to meet my baby. I asked what was plan B and she said caesarean. I looked at C and asked if she was alright with that. We agreed and Dr. Allen grabbed the consent forms. I signed where needed and they took me off to prep for surgery while C suited up in her scrubs and escorted our family off to the waiting area.

And here’s where the fun begins… I felt myself falling asleep as they wheeled me into the operating room. I began to cry and panic. I kept telling the nurses and the anesthesiologist that I wanted to be awake when they took the baby out. They assured me that I wouldn’t fall asleep but I told them that I had already started to drift off. At this point, I was laboring for over 14 hours and I was beyond exhausted. I’m not sure if my body was simply trying to rest or if it was the anesthesia that was making me drowsy. They wheeled me to the operating table and although I remember moving my legs and lifting my body to help transfer me from one table to the other, I remember someone saying that I shouldn’t have been able to do that. They got me situated and the anesthesiologist explained to me that he was gonna numb me from my stomach down and test to make sure I couldn’t feel anything. I coached myself into relaxing and settled in. I felt him pinch my chest, then the top of my belly by my solar plexus, then he pinched the bottom of my belly by my womb but I didn’t feel anything. I don’t remember too much about my actual caesarean after this point. C said they brought her in and she was by my side. She said she assured me that she was there and that I lightly squeezed her hand. I remember feeling like I had to vomit and then seeing a bright white light. In all honesty, it could’ve just been the surgery lights over top of me but in my mind, I saw “the white light.” I remember someone putting a suction instrument in my mouth. I saw myself outside of myself and just knew that I choked on my own vomit and died in delivery. I kept telling myself that that couldn’t be the end and that I needed to go back for my family. Then, I saw the nurses standing around me. I kept reading their name badges out loud to try to bring myself out of my state of grogginess. I was so happy to be back on this side but I hadn’t seen my baby yet. It felt like hours before I finally saw our little girl. When C finally brought her to me, I asked her for the anointing oil. While still heavily sedated, I anointed baby girl’s forehead and said a small prayer over her. They brought family in one by one so that they could see her but then they had to leave since it was after visiting hours. Baby C was born at 7:24pm on March 21, 2013.

Now, I said I don’t remember much but according to C, my delivery was like a scene out of the Exorcism of Emily Rose. She said that after she reassured me that she was by my side and squeezing her hand I laid still on the table for a few. Then, suddenly, I started to lift my body off of the table and motioning my mouth as if I was screaming but no sound was being emitted. C asked if I could feel anything and they told her that I was sedated and that I couldn’t feel a thing. C said I was motioning as if I was going to vomit so they put a pan near my mouth. She said my tongue appeared as if I was seizing. They put a suction tube in my mouth. C said that at one point I tried to reach around the blue curtain to where my open abdomen was… Really scary shit, right? Everyone assured C that I couldn’t feel a thing and they all asked me to tell them where it hurts. They figured I couldn’t handle the anxiety of the surgery and decided that they had to put me all the way under in order to complete the caesarean. C said the anesthesiologist put a milky substance, which we later found out was propofol, into my IV and I was totally sedated. No watching them hold up my baby girl once she was out… C cut the cord and had to decide whose side she wanted to be by… She said she took one look at me and Dr. Allen and she knew that I was in good hands.

I remember coming to and reading all of the nurses name badges out loud. I was just making sure I was still alive and alert. It was late, they wheeled us all to our postpartum room and then they whisked my baby off for her testing. They said it had to be done within a 4 hour window of her birth and there was only 25 minutes left. Baby girl C weighed in at 7lbs 13.8ozs. She was 20.5 inches long and had a head circumference of 35. She came out of my belly eyes open, fully alert and suckling… I’m so looking forward to life with this little Aries fireball! She’s pink in color for right now and has this high pitched squeal unlike any other, for this, I call her piglet.

All in all, our first date became our last date before we welcomed our daughter into our family. Full circle. Completion.

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Cardinal New Parent’s Rule Number One

Whelp, looks like I’m breaking Cardinal First Parent’s Rule Number 1: Nap When Baby Naps (or in this case, when she’s gone to the nursery) So, I was gonna update this blog Wednesday at some point but… My water broke. I’ll be sure to post the entire birth story soon! But back to me breaking this rule… We are in the hospital and per C’s smartly ingenious rationale we are taking advantage of the nursery option. We’ve been having them take baby girl C to the nursery at night but they bring her back every 2-3 hours so that I can feed her… We just sent her back about a half hour ago to try to get more sleep since we hardly got any last night. I say all of this to say, I should be asleep instead of typing this blog entry. I should be asleep instead of questioning if I’m a bad mom since we may have to supplement baby girl with formula until my milk comes in… I shouldn’t feel guilty about the breast reduction that I had over 10 years ago… I suppose you can constantly plan things out the way you THINK they will go and things don’t seem to fall into place that way… Like my OB said when we asked her if we should have a birth plan, “There is no plan because you have no control of it. You simply pray to the delivery gods that things work out smoothly.” Tons of pain medicine, over 12 hours of active labor and a caesarean later… I know what she means.

I say all of that to say, I should be ecstatic that my daughter is here happy and healthy never mind the fact that I may have to supplement her nursing with formula until my breast milk comes in. Yet, in the wee hours of the morning she looked lethargic, her little lips were beyond dry and the colostrum that I am producing is no longer enough to sustain her growing belly. The nurses informed us that she lost about 9.4% of her birth weight and tho they weren’t alarmed yet, I knew it was headed in that direction. The lactation consultant set me up with a breast pump to try to encourage my milk to come in faster by pumping in between feedings and supplementing at the breast. Unfortunately, it’s not a lot. I’ve gotten about 5cc out twice with a pumping session or two resulting in nothing. I nearly cried as C filled a syringe with Enfamil for me to give to our daughter. I felt like a failure. I nursed her and supplemented with formula while she was on my breast, cuddled her a bit and sent her back to the nursery… 2 hours later she looked much happier. Despite how much I planned to be this champion nurser, I have to accept the fact that the plan may be written another way. I suppose I’ll nap now while she’s gone and simply enjoy her when she comes back… And pray that her bilirubin levels come back normal.

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Is it because I’m a Scorpio Mom-To-Be

I’m not sure if its the possessiveness of my zodiac sign or the sheer over protectiveness of becoming a parent but I simply hate when people have opinions of how my daughter will be or they seem like they are dead set on knowing anything about her! Call me crazy… But it gets my panties in a bunch!

So, ever since I’ve started showing the one remark has remained the same, “That’s gonna be a big baby!” From doctor’s to friends, the sentiment has been the same. I had a dream that Baby C weighed in at 6lbs 9ozs. C’s guess is that she’s gonna weigh 7lbs 9ozs… I’ll take that. We are her mom’s, only our guesses really count! LOL. Of course the other comments have began to flood in… “You may as well throw away those newborn diapers. She won’t be able to fit them.” *blank stare* Newborn diapers to up to 10 lbs… I’m sure she will be able to wear them for at least a few weeks to a month. Besides, most babies lose a little weight after birth any how.

Call me petty but I hate this. I just want them all to shut up. Actually, I want Baby C to come out at around 6lbs 9ozs so that they will all be wrong! I honestly think it has more to do with my control issues than anything. The same thing happened for the gender reveal. I really wanted Baby C to be a boy simply because everyone just KNEW she was a girl. For some reason, I can’t stand for others to be right. I think I need to just get over it!

I write all of that to say, we went in for our 38 week appointment the other day and all looks well. Baby girl is head down and in position. No significant dilation but my BH contractions have gotten more intense. We also had a growth scan sono yesterday and they are estimating her weight at 7lbs 9ozs. Hopefully, she doesn’t gain too much more weight. Although she is head down and in position she’s turned the wrong way. Now, we just need her to turn around and press her way out!

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Throwing in the Towel?

I am trying desperately to work up until the 22nd of March or at least until I go into labor if it is to happen before then but this morning was just hard. I don’t know if it was because of daylight savings time, the fact that I slept for majority of yesterday or the bathroom run EVERY HOUR last night but I was EXHAUSTED when I woke up this morning. I rolled out of bed, got dressed, made a pot of coffee for C and packed my lunch but before I actually left for work, C and I talked about how I was feeling and the reality that I’m approaching 39 weeks and just may need to throw in the towel as far as work is concerned. Feeling bad for choosing to stay home, I called my job and requested an FMLA day. My mind and body were telling me to stay home and rest but I felt so guilty… Why must I be such a committed and dedicated person?

The birth pool is still going and so far, my grandmother has been knocked out of the race. Her guess was March 3rd. C and I walked a huge mega mall on Saturday hoping to speed up things and I’ve been drinking red raspberry leaf tea with fresh cinnamon sticks daily. I’m not sure how true these induction techniques are but I’m already convinced that this little girl will come on her own time. I’ve made peace with it. But I would be lying if I said that I’m not anxious to meet her. The next round of guesses say March 13th… I admit that 3/13/13 would be an AWESOME birthday but we shall see. 

I have of course progressed to weekly appointments and I was praying REALLY hard that I would have dilated a little when I went in last week… No such luck. Baby C is, however, in position and dropped down. We go back on Wednesday and I’m praying for some progression on the dilation/effacement front, although I know it means nothing if I haven’t yet. Some women dilate early and stay that way for weeks or months… All in all, I wanna meet my baby girl but who wouldn’t after being pregnant for 10 months.

So, for today, I will rest up and watch all of the baby oriented shows on TLC.

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Baby Shower, Babymoon and Ballooning

Well, here we are at 34 weeks plus a few days and things seem to be steadily moving along. C and I can hardly believe that in 19 days I will be at full term and our due date is 40 days away! It seems like this pregnancy has flown by. Although, I still have some days where I’m just ready for her to be out of my womb and in our arms. I’m getting tired. Like on the verge of tears if I don’t take a nap tired. Not to mention, my ankles have began to swell. My wrist too. Carpal tunnel is hell but try carpal tunnel in conjunction with pregnancy swelling. It makes simple tasks hard to complete but I’ve been pressing on. Prilosec, extra strength Tylenol and my wrist brace have been my saving graces. Unfortunately, I had to end my relationships with Tums and Zantac.

C and I are finally coming down off of the high and excitement from our baby shower and Babymoon. We are still in utter amazement at all of the love and gifts that we were showered with… and the gifts are still coming in! We had our shower about 2 weeks ago and then the Babymoon last weekend. It finally feels great to have all of the gifts put away, the nursery organized and ready, the car seat bases installed in both cars and the hospital bags packed. I finally feel like we are ready for Baby C’s arrival.

Here are a few pics of my 34 week bump, baby shower gifts and our lovely view from our lake side room at Rocky Gap Resort. It was the most relaxing Babymoon ever!





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