I’m not broken…

Last night, I laid in bed with C and we just talked over low playing mood music and flickering candle light. She wanted to know how I felt and me being the person that I am, I hardly ever equate that to how I’m feeling emotionally. We had a great talk and I told her that sometimes I feel like I’m “less than a woman” or that I’m “broken” because I haven’t gotten pregnant yet. Now, I know how my mother felt when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have her right breast removed. It’s like, you know that you are a woman, but when something that validates your womanhood in the eyes of society is removed you begin to question yourself.

I initially felt broken when they told me that I was a carrier for the Sickle Cell Anemia trait. This made us extra cautious when it came to choosing a donor. Then the fact that my original OB/GYN wouldn’t do any of the test for a complete fertility work up made me question my “womanhood” a bit further. I say all of that to say that I got my test results back. The progesterone test that they did at 7dpo not only confirms ovulation but my numbers “were pretty good” in the words of the nurse. I forgot to ask what the exact number was. My prolactin and thyroid came back normal so in essence, I’m not broken. Maybe it’s all just a matter of timing. 

I’m praying hard that we caught the egg this cycle… and if not, we will keep on trying.

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2 thoughts on “I’m not broken…

  1. Crystal says:

    (((hugs))) All who have been on the TTC journey for any length of time have felt “broken”. We just have to keep in mind that it’s not about our timing and when we think it’s right… I praying it works for you girls this time but if not don’t forget that God isn’t saying “no” he’s just saying “not yet.” 😉

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