Monthly Archives: January 2012

Stressless or Stress less

So, I’ve been trying to keep my stress levels as low as possible but constantly being concerned with if your body is chugging along like it should when it comes to trying to create a little one can negate that process. No, I haven’t forgotten about this here lovely blog, but most days when I think about blogging on the notion that I should crosses my mind, I can’t find the words at that moment. What I think would be a great blog idea fails to pull together the right words and I abandon the thought just that fast. 

But I’m still here. Trying to stress less and make this process as stressless and joyful as one can. The fact that I have no control over my donor and when he gets his sickle cell screening has placed me in a place where I am forced to realize that God holds all control and I’m quickly reminded of my lesson for 2011; relinquish control. This is hard for a Scorpio, but I know that I can do it. My partner on the other hand, got tested last week and she is not a carrier for the sickle cell trait, so when it’s her time to carry, we will already have this bit of info handy. I’m simply praying that our selected donor is not a carrier and we can do our first run of inseminations next cycle.

Speaking of cycles, this one had me a little concerned. Not concerned like, “Hey, I’m not gonna come on my period because I could be pregnant concerned,” because we all know that without sperm that’s a mute point unless my name is Mary and I’m married to a dude named Joseph, which we know isn’t the case here. More like, “Hey, last month I only went 11 days past ovulation and then I came on and my temperature dropped but this month it’s CD12 and my temperature is still high… Something is wrong with my reproductive system,” concerned. I panicked. Forget the fact that my cervix was extremely low, firm and my cervical mucus was as dry as the Sahara… All signs that my period was impending. I somehow over looked the fact that my lower back was pounding with a dull pain, I felt like someone was wringing the blood out of my fallopian tubes and I was cold… Also symptoms that I was about to start my cycle. I eventually fell asleep last night after reading on the FertilityFriend forum that sometimes it is normal for a woman’s temp to remain high when she starts her menstrual cycle. 

I checked my DivaCup this morning and still no blood but there was a vague tinge of pink when I wiped myself. Eureka! Period would soon flow forth… Some where in the midst of my panic and scrutinizing my charts, I realized that my last 4 cycles have been 25 days in length and since I ovulated on CD13, it was only normal that my luteal phase would last 12 days this cycle to equal 25… God also whispered in my ear that He knows what He is doing and I need not worrying. 

So, I’m gonna continue to sip the hell out of this red raspberry leaf tea and listen to my music in attempts to stress less… This will definitely lead to a joyful pregnancy! 

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Needles, Thermometers and Internet Searches…

This is what it’s come down to… Well, not entirely but for the past few months I have been diligent at waking up at 5:55 am and taking my temperature before I even crack my eyes good enough to remove the crust of last nights slumber from them. I started charting my monthly menstrual cycle in October using a Fertility Friend app on my brand spanking new iPhone 4s. The human body is amazing and charting has further more proved this fact. Each month, my body has been working like everything that I’ve read on the internet about menstrual cycles say it should. For this, I am truly thankful! I, by far, don’t take any of this for granted. Especially after joining serval forums full of women who’s cycles are less than predictable.

So, with things looking up in that department, I figured I should get screened for genetic diseases that I could possibly pass on to my future bundle of joy. I typically get screened for any and all STD’s during my annual pap as routine procedure and since me and the love of my life are monogamous and headed down the aisle there was no worries that my test results would be less than normal. But, genetics is another thing. IF I was married to a MAN and we had fertility issues, my insurance company would cover the cost of everything 100%, but since I’m about to marry a WOMAN, I get zilch… Shoot, they won’t even cover a single woman who wants to get AI (artificial insemination). I mean, it’s bad enough we would have to pay for the all powerful baby juice! But, yeah, insurance companies can be of the devil when they aren’t on your side. I said all of that to get to this point, most insurance companies only pay for genetics testing AFTER you are pregnant, for the most part. If you and your husband are having infertility issues then a genetic work up may be thrown in the package but since I’m marrying a woman and I’m not pregnant yet paying for testing seemed to prove difficult. After calling various labs and asking the out of pocket cost for the genetics test, Milk, that’s what I call my love, and I decided that the screening for Sickle Cell trait was the most beneficial and the cheapest. Thank God!

All of my doctor’s know about our up coming plans and they are all on board and excited! I called my PCP and asked her about getting lab work done for the test, she, in turn, referred me to a genetics counselor who explained to me in detail that most times insurance companies will only pay for genetics screening AFTER you are already pregnant, which in my opinion is stupid! Wouldn’t it be best to know if you carried said gene and then decide not to get pregnant? But, I digress. She told me to give my OB/GYN a call since she no longer specialized in pediatric genetics, but she was very helpful. My last phone call to my OB/GYN was easy enough. I told them I needed a lab write up for sickle cell screening and they faxed it right on over.

The test was easy. The phlebotomist drew 2 tubes of blood while we chatted about pregnancy, my use of a donor, and test results. 3 days later, I was looking down at my test results on my brand spanking new iPhone courtesy of the Gazelle app. To my surprise, I am a carrier of the sickle cell trait. I felt broken. Like something was seriously wrong with me. After being comforted by my family and close friends, Milk made it known that it was a great thing that I was tested. Now, we have to make sure our donor does not carry the trait as well because then our baby would stand a 25% chance of being born with the disease… So, I’m in a better place now. Our donor is set to have his screening done and we, or rather I am still charting diligently!

I’m filling myself with positive energy and baby dust as each day goes by.

Oh, and it appears that my insurance company picked up the check for my screening! #Win

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Letter to My Unborn Child

Letter to My Unborn

My heart aches
to feel you grow
root beneath rib cage like
tubers in soil
I miss you
like familiar stranger
ever present in dreams
You are dear to me
Keep my heart beating
at the thought of feeling yours
long to kiss cheeks that pucker with newness
You smell of innocence
Fingers not knowing the roughness of life
Yours is what drives me
I accept the position as your nurturer
Promise to transport you
safely thru canals of love
birth you into warmth of family
discipline you in wrong doing
but most importantly
mold you to be the best you
you can possibly be
Until we meet
love always,

-© Nicole “luminoUS” Swett, 2012

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And hereeee we go!

Welcome to Hearts of a Feather…

The place where a writer needs to write about conception, hence the conception of this here blog. *smile*

I’ve created numerous blogs, and have yet to stick with any of them. The reason, I simply lose interest, get side tracked, forget all about it or a combination of any and all three of these things. That’s not to say that I may go without updating this one either, but the true reason behind the conception of this blog is my road to conception.

So, now that that’s out of the way, how about a formal, or rather not so formal since we are meeting thru a computer screen with these letters as our only form of physical interaction, introduction. My name is Nicole. My fiance’, who shall remain nameless to protect her rights unless she otherwise wants to be named, and I have started our trek into the wonderful world of TTC, that’s Trying To Conceive for all of you guys who feel bombarded with the use of acronyms. We are lesbians in our 30’s looking to soon marry and eventually, sooner rather than later, have a few pairs of little feet pattering thru our fully detached single family home. I mean, we live in a single family home so it’s only natural to build a family… Or at least we think it is.

Here we are with a few months of me diligently charting under our belts and the impending donor task at hand. I can’t promise that I will let you all up in our business, but I will check in every now and again to share what I’m feeling. As with any situation in life, I need a form of release, not saying that we don’t have an open line of communication but as a writer I need to purge at times and what better venue than this one. Also, the feeling of isolation as a lesbian couple trying to conceive can be a bit overwhelming in a society so hetero-focused. I intend for this space to not only be a place of reprieve for myself but as a source of information for another couple seeking support, advice, a listening ear or simply a place to read about what another couple has experienced. Trust me, we have had our fair share of folks hoarding information about their conception process, and by right that is their choice as to whether or not they want my fiance’ and I in there cervixes poking around for clues as to how to manifest a fertilized egg of our own. I just want to be of assistance while aiding myself in not tipping on to the brink of insanity or a nervous breakdown.

And for every person withholding information, there are 2 or 3 more willing to be of assistance. We are fortunate to have a great lesbian couple in our space who have been successful in their TTC journey. They are our friends and are eager to listen, support and coach us on. I simply want to pay their kindness forward. Don’t ever get discouraged or give up. I often times whispered this to myself but I know that all things will unfold according to God’s master plan and not one second before.

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